give and take

In What Kind of a Relationship Are You
In? Give and Take or Give and Give?
By Daxx Bondoc

We often hear that to be in a good
relationship there has to be a “give and
take” within the partners. But I think
sometimes the “give and take”
mentality can get old quick because it has a
tendency to be selfish. I give so I can take.
Their giving becomes an indirect egotism.
St Thomas Aquinas defines love as to will
the good of the other as other. There is no
hidden agenda in real love. You love the
person for the sake of the person and not
because you can get something out of the
person.

A real loving relationship practices “give
and give.” There is no need for taking
because the longings are being satisfied by
the partner even before the other asks for
it. A person who is deeply in love is focused
on her beloved and not on himself. He
wants to make his beloved happy. He puts
her before himself every time in every
thing. And she does the same.
Both are satisfied and fulfilled.
Both feel loved.

Most of us when we are considering
entering into a relationship with someone
ask this question, “What can I get from
this person?” Another way of putting it is
“What can this person give me?”
I think we should have a radical change of
attitude if we want to experience real and
lasting love. We must change the question
“ What can I get” to “What can I give to
this person?”

The best example of this love is Jesus on
the Cross. When Jesus let Himself get
crucified, it was solely for you and me.
There was no hidden agenda on Jesus ’
suffering except our salvation. It was a
totally selfless act. Jesus died because He
loved you and me.

So if we want to have a beautiful
relationship, we must learn to love like
Jesus. Our love has to be totally unselfish
and self-giving.

There is no greater love than to give
one ’s life for a friend.